First of all, let me all wish you a very happy 2016! Sometimes I can’t believe how fast time can fly.
When the new year arrives, people are all about making their new year’s resolutions. One wants to do more sports and live healthier, the other one wants to do better at work, another one is all about ”the new me”… Etc. etc.
I never really made resolutions for the new year. Or at least none that actually lasted for the whole year.
This time I wanted to look on the things that happened the past year. I know people rather like to read positive
stories, but sometimes things aren’t that great. 2015 for me wasn’t the best year, personally. It was great on all the
business happenings and I did amazing things, but personally for me it wasn’t my favorite year.
The worst thing that happened was the breakup with someone I believed was the love of my life.
And I am still having a hard time with this. Especially when I found out that
he found a new girl one month after me. I believe that’s where the feeling of taking a bullet comes from.
I was hoping it would actually make me feel better and that I would feel relieved knowing it was really over,
but it actually made it worse. I have been so angry and sad for so long. Going over and over about what I did wrong,
what made him forget about me so quickly. How he could love someone else that quickly after 5,5 years. We had are issues
like every other couple, but I never ever expected this. And it still hurts big time. But the one thing I learned in the
end is that I did nothing wrong, except that I gave everything to make it work and I lost myself in the progress. I turned into the worst version of myself because of it and that is something that I will never forget. Lesson learned, that’s for sure. Time to get back to the old me.
I’ve lost people in the past year because I wasn’t on my best behavior. I tried to act like everything was all good because I was afraid of what people might think about me. I was afraid that they would reject me because
it wasn’t the first time I was grieving about my ex. But one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned this year is that you can’t
control your feelings. I’ve tried that over and over again until you finally explode and all the suppressed emotions come out.
These moments are the ones that hit me hard and made me realize what I was doing. I didn’t want to have to hide me feelings for my ‘friends’. And that is where I lost the people of whom I thought where good friends. They dropped me just like that and it hurts in the heat of the moment, but it also made me appreciate my real friends even more. The ones who are always there for me, the ones that can tell wether I am doing good or not without asking and the ones that love me unconditionally.
This all sounds pretty dramatic, but I don’t want to write about things that are only superficial. I love my life and all the positive things that are happening. But my live is not always easy, neither is yours. We post so many beautiful photo’s and it all looks like our lives are perfect. They aren’t, but isn’t that just what makes live worth living. To feel pain and loss so that we know how the good parts of our lives feel. To appreciate the things we have in stead of only trying to get more. I have reached 50K on Instagram and I never even expected to reach 10K in the beginning. It was all just for fun.
And when I look back on this year and realize how hard I’ve worked, it is something worth reflecting on. I can get lost into work and I never take a moment to take a step back and see how far I’ve come. This year I want to take more steps back so that I can really enjoy the things I am doing and working on. Whether it’s work or spending time with friends and family. I want myself to get back to the old me because I’ve lost her in the craziness of the past years.
But luckily there will be some new and excitement things about to happen which I will enjoy even more now that I know
when to take a step back. I am going to enjoy life to the fullest. Because life is fun. We all have our ups and downs, but I am
planning to go up for a while now. Not without a fight, but in the end it will be worth it. Soon I will tell you more about my life changing decision I’ve made once everything is settled. Can’t wait to tell you all!! I want to say thank you to all of my good friends and family for their support and for just being there when I needed them. Welcome on my new website, I hope you will all enjoy reading my blogposts and stay tuned on the new exciting things that are about to happen! 🙂